dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
