foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
