she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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