I heard we made out
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
