she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
