i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
