i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
