I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
