I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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