We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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