she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I intend to get homeless drunk
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize