No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
