and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
