The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
