Do you still have your period?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
