She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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