i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
