i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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