literally had 100 drinks last night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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