it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
