DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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