I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
