New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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