my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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