guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
