Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize