I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
