This is not my ceiling
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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