I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
