I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize