i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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