he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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