Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Redeem this text for a blowjob
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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