mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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