cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
