i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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