I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
