she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
