you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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