Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
