hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
