his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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