I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
