weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
