I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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