Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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