so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
