You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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