Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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