Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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