May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
