I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Your cock deserves a montage
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
