She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
