Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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