Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
