I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
