I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
