There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
