Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
