The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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