they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
