took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
