you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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