I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
