He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
