I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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