No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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