carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
