that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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