There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
