We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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