She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
