I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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