he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Randomize
