did you get engaged???
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
