My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
