Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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