Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize