So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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