can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
