Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
