I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
