is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
