Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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