So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize